Happy Birthday Desmond!

We officially have a 2 year old!! I can't believe it! Where have the past 2 years gone? I knew that Desmond would most likely get fussy with all of our family at his little party (which he did) and that he probably wouldn't interact much (which he didn't), but it was nice to at least throw a little party for him and especially our families. They have been so loving and supportive this year. The least we could do is give them some pizza and a brownie!
Desmond's birthday was a little bitter sweet for me. I remember going to my nieces and nephews birthday parties. The 2nd birthday was always so fun because they KNEW it was their birthday! They could hold up their two fingers and show you how old they are, blow out their candles, open their presents, over all be excited for their special day. For Desmond it was just another day. He still isn't understanding much in the language department so we can't explain to him how special December 21st is to us. I kept thinking throughout the day, "Maybe next year." Maybe next year he'll hold up his three fingers to show us he's 3. Maybe next year he'll be able to blow out his candles by himself. Maybe next year he'll be able to open his own presents. Maybe next year we'll be able to tell him why December 21st is so special. Until then, I choose to stay hopeful.
One thing I've learned this year is that when things get hard, sometimes you have to choose to be hopeful, patient, and happy. Man, those things used to come so easy to me! To be fair, they still do for the most part. However, yesterday I definitely had to make the conscious choice to be hopeful. Hopeful for 2017 and the days to come. We have seen so many miracles this year with Desmond's progress and I am hopeful that there will be more to come. Our little Desmond amazes us every single day with the things he is able to do. There is so much good he is doing. He brings so much love into our home. He has the sweetest personality, he is so kind, and is always willing to "give us kisses".

This is a picture of us today. I was sitting on the ground and he came over and sat on my lap. He sat there cuddling with me for a solid 15 minutes. It's moments like that when I start to feel silly for all my worries and stress. I have the sweetest boy who is healthy, happy, and who loves me. That is what matters most; everything else will always be secondary. Always.  Today I feel hopeful. Hopeful for the future, hopeful for our Des, and hopeful that 2017 is going to be the best year yet!

Happy Birthday Desmond! We love you to the moon and back! 

Make It Go!!

We have some more amazing progress here on the moon! We have been working with Desmond on his sign language. He's got the signs for "food" "cup" and "more" pretty much down. We added "go" a few months ago and he FINALLY started signing for "go" on his own! Progress! Here is the video I caught of Des signing "go" the first time:

Because he's signing "go" on his own it means we can start adding in another sign! I think we're going to start pushing "all done". We also had some cards made that have pictures of all the things he does throughout the day; food, drinks, activities, things like that. What they want us to do is to put 2 cards up close to where he can touch one and get him to choose which one he wants. For example, we have a picture of Sesame Street and a picture of his swing. I'll show him the pictures and ask him which one he wants. He's grabbed at the one he wants every time so far! We are still very hopeful that with all of these communication tools combined that our little Des will HOPEFULLY start talking!!

Therapy Update

I just finished up the Thanksgiving post and realized that I hadn't given an update on how all of Desmond's therapy is going! I think the best way to describe how busy our November was is to show you my calendar on my phone.

This is my busy, busy, BUSY life!! Desmond still has ABA with Rachel twice a week, and we've added an hour with Greg (Speech Therapist) and an hour with James (Occupational/Sensory Therapist) once a week. We have seen huge strides since Desmond has started seeing James and Greg back to back once a week. Desmond seems to be signing more for what he wants, his eye contact is better (still not great, but better), and he seems to have more facial expressions too.
What James does with Desmond at each session is getting Des to do a TON of movement. A lot of this is on the swings they have there. Here is a video of what that looks like:

I'm sure you're thinking, "Stop! He's going to make him sick!!" Shockingly, because Desmond's sensory system is low registration he doesn't feel movement like the rest of us do. If anyone of us were to do the same thing we'd feel sick, dizzy, nauseous, but Desmond doesn't feel this. Movement like this is crucial for Desmond's sensory system to "wake up". He is still "in his own little world/head" most of the time. This kind of movement charges his sensory system and get's him out of his world and into ours. I know it sounds crazy, but science proves that this method is legit.
As for his sessions with Greg, we do much of the same thing but incorporate language. This video is of Greg, Marshall, and Desmond doing the same kind of spinning motion, but adding in "more". What they're doing is spinning Des, stopping him, and then getting Des to initiate that he wants to be spun again by signing "more".

We are excited to see what the future holds for Desmond now that he's getting speech and occupational therapy once a week. 

I've said this over and over, but once Desmond turns 2 (in 3 weeks) we will start having Rachel over Monday-Friday for 2 hours for ABA! We are SO excited for this to start! For me it means we are doing EVERYTHING we possibly can for our Desmond. ABA everyday and speech/occupational therapy once a week was what we were strongly encouraged to do when Desmond was diagnosed back in August. Soon enough we will be doing everything in our power to give Desmond the best possible chance to blossom and grow! We have much to look forward to in 2017! I don't let myself future trip often, but I have thought about what 2017 might look like for our little Desmond. How will his signing improve? Do I dare get my hopes up and hope that he might be talking? Will he be able to interact like his cousins do? Oh do I dare hope?!?!?! I have learned through this process that it is crucial that we have hope, but in turn our hope must be logical/reasonable. Again, reason tells us that most likely Desmond won't start talking (if at all) until he's closer to 4-5 years old. Reason tells us that Desmond's progresses will be in little baby steps. Reason tells us that he might never interact like his cousins do.

By small and simple things.

I constantly find myself repeating this phrase. These small and simple things we're doing will add up to something great. Do we know what that great thing will be? No. I mean it would be AMAZING if Desmond in the end started talking. However, I understand that it would be GREAT if we could get him to communicate through sign language or even through pictures on a tablet. Progress is progress, even if in the end it's not what this mother hopes for.

As for now, I am happy and I am content. There is so much good happening for our Desmond in his therapies and in our life. I will say this, "Marshall was right." He knew that we would love this new life, and I can finally say that I am starting to enjoy it. I don't think I quite LOVE all the appointments, that I have to keep my house clean for therapy sessions, and that I still feel so distant from my child sometimes; but I do LOVE those moments when my boy sits next to me on his own accord, when he makes eye contact with me for just a second or two, when he hugs Danny, or when he does his little signs. I truly do LOVE all of that. Most of all, I LOVE my boy. I love my Desmond more than I could every try to articulate, and this, THIS is what keeps me going, keeps me hoping, keeps me afloat here on the moon.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my all-time favorite holiday. I have such cherished memories of Thanksgiving. We would travel the 8-10 hours (it all depended on how many times we had to stop so Malory could go to the bathroom 😉) to Rose, Idaho to my Grandma & Grandpa Taylor's. You walk in and it smells like home. I'd run in yelling, "We're here! We're here! Grandma we're here!" I'd run for my grandma's arms and be so happy to be in them! It was always so fun to play with my cousins, make our forts in the living room, make-up plays, play mofia, and laugh.
 My grandma makes THE BEST Thanksgiving dinner. I am not exaggerating one bit! My favorite part of the dinner has always been mashed potatoes. I LOVE mashed potatoes! Some of my fondest childhood memories were with my family at grandma's during Thanksgiving. This past weekend I've had some time to reflect on all of these memories and I found myself feeling very grateful.
I have truly felt the spirit of Thanksgiving this year. I have so much to be grateful for! I am first grateful for family. I am so lucky to have SUCH an amazing family. I am also so grateful for Marshall's family. Both sides of our families have been so supportive, loving, and have been such a source of strength for us this year. They have loved us and our sweet Desmond unconditionally. I am so grateful for my Marshall for his love and support. I am grateful for my Desmond. He is the sweetest, kindest, even tempered boy. I am forever grateful that I get to be his mother.
This year we were with the Cox's and it was a blast! I made my grandma's famous yams and my first time making a pie! The meal was AMAZING! I once again ate a LOT of mashed potatoes and was VERY full. Later we played Bingo which was so fun too. There really is nothing like spending time with family and loved ones. Desmond seemed to have a good time! He mostly trotted around, laughed, and seemed to be comfortable! Desmond used to get pretty anxious when we would all gather as a family, but now he seems so comfortable. I credit this to all the therapy, especially ABA. We have noticed such a difference in Desmond and his confidence since starting ABA. He seems to have more facial expressions, laughing, smiling, eye contact, he over all just seems happier! We saw a lot of this this weekend.
Now it's officially Christmas Time!!! I can't wait! However, this means that I will soon have a 2 YEAR OLD! Come the end of December our little Dessy will be 2!! I can't believe it!

Some pictures of our Thanksgiving Weekend

My first attempt at making an apple pie! Let's just say the second one turned out just right 😉

Desmond in his favorite spot at Grandma Cox's.

 Me and Jenna were in charge of doing the centerpieces for the tables this year. They turned out pretty good!

 Me and my main Man!

 I made my Grandma Taylor's famous yams this year for the Cox's. They were DELICIOUS!

 My plate this year! Yes, I ate every bite!

 I caught a really precious moment with Desmond and Danny. Desmond NEVER does this. He never puts his head on your shoulder, let alone a HUG TOO! Danny got the first ever occurrence over the weekend. It was so sweet.

 So Desmond is on the right and his cousin Kellen is on the left. Desmond will be 2 in December and Kellen just turned 5. They are like the same size in this picture! Ha! Our Des is a tank!

And here they are from the front. Adorable!

Angels from Heaven

Things over here on the moon have been harder lately. I mean, it's not like anything drastic happened or like there was some huge change. I think it was just another wave of harder days. We've started hitting the therapy even harder these past few weeks. Desmond was evaluated by his new speech therapist and OT therapist last week. We got the reports back and they weren't great. It's a lot of what we already knew, but again it's hard when professionals are putting labels on what we see everyday. Desmond has a severe speech delay and is borderline nonverbal. As for his OT eval he has severe low registration tendencies. What this means is that in regards to Desmond's development he's behind and needs more interventions, more therapy, and more consistent work. So, this means weekly speech therapy and OT appointments and daily ABA therapy. There is some good news to this! The good news is, that we don't have to wait until Desmond is 2 to start speech and occupational therapy because the insurance will pay for that immediately. We are still waiting for Desmond to turn 2 so he can qualify for 2 hours of ABA everyday. Just one more month of ABA twice a day.

Honestly, all the therapy appointments can be overwhelming for me at times. If I let myself think about it too much I tend to get myself all wound up about it. This happened earlier this week and I didn't get more than 8 hours of sleep total for a few days. It would get to be time to go to bed and it's like my mind would go into hyper-drive and take me to all of my deepest worries and concerns. On my 3rd day of not getting a lot of sleep my house was a mess, I hadn't showered in 2 days (I know...gross.), and I hadn't gotten Des in the bath yet. I heard a knock at the door. I planned on ignoring it because hello, I was still in my PJ's and my house was a mess. My phone starts to ring and it's my mom telling me that her and my dad are at the door. I open the door to my loving parents who had brought me flowers and a listening ear. Marshall knew I hadn't been sleeping and that I was struggling so he got in contact with my mom and sent her to my rescue. They came through the door and I was already in tears expressing my frustrations, fears, complaints, and lack of hope. I had been feeling so overwhelmed and down trodden, focusing on all the things Desmond still wasn't able to do. 

Have I mentioned how wise and in tune with the spirit my Dad is? He looked right at me and said, "Tay, you need to get on your knees and plead with your Heavenly Father to send down angels! You are more than worthy and are entitled to the ministering of angels and the spirit of God in your home and in your heart!" The spirit hit me so hard and told me that my Dad was exactly right! I can call down angels! I can ask for peace and reassurance! I can ask for my Grandpa Orville, my brother Ian, my Grandpa Brown, my Grandma Sylvie, and anyone I needed!! 

My mom told me to get in the shower and that I did. I got out of the shower and my parents had cleaned my house! I am forever grateful for the people in my life who hold me up when I can't bare this all. Thank you Mom and Dad. That little visit meant the world to me and saved me in many ways. Thank you for your light, your love, and your shoulders to cry on. I love you to the moon and back!

Pictures and More!

Here are some of our Des!

These are the new PJs my mom got Desmond! She ordered them from England and they've got London all over them! So CUTE!

His favorite food is still beans and rice!

Dad and Des!

Desmond LOVES climbing all over us. This is a regular thing. We'll be sitting on the couch or like how Marsh is sitting on the ground and Desmond will come right over and crawl on top of us.

These are the beautiful flowers my parents came over with. The candles are ours but I thought they'd look good in the picture ;)

Marshall and I were able to get away for a day for our anniversary! Marshall's family watched Des and we were able to go to Vegas for our first get away without Desmond. It was AWESOME! We had such a great time. We also got tickets to Cirques du Soleli "KA". It was unbelievable! I have seen a few Cirques du Soleli shows, but this was Marshall's first time seeing one. Here's just a few pictures of what the stage looked like before the show started.

Halloween and more!

Happy Halloween from our little Elmo!

Our Pumpkin Patch this year!

We had a wonderful Halloween this year! We went trick-or-treating with Marshall's family, which included pushing Desmond in his little wagon. Desmond is still not talking so me and Marsh took turns saying "trick-or-treat". He's still at that age where he looks little enough that no one asked why he didn't say "trick-or-treat" himself, which I very much appreciated. I'm sure that's what our next Halloween will be, but I'm grateful we could put it off for one more year. After trick-or-treating we went over to my parents house and got to see all of my family in their costumes. Over all, it was a very fun Halloween. I think Des had a good time. He didn't have much candy, but did have lots of his favorite popcorn!

Therapy is still going well, slowly but surely. I've got to keep reminding myself that my little Des isn't even 2 yet. Our chances are good that he probably won't start talking until he's closer to 4-5, if at all. It's hard when you see children Desmond's age, sometimes younger and they're talking, interacting, saying all their animal noises, saying "twick-o-tweet", and Des is still baby babbling. I try no to dwell on it, but come to find out, around holidays it gets a little harder to get these thoughts out of my mind. This weekend has been a great distraction though.

My sister and her sweet family are down for the weekend for her and her husband's birthdays. (Yes they have the same birthday, yes they're adorable!) We were able to go see my other sister in "Oklahoma" and it was wonderful! It's amazing what family time can do to heal this Autism Mom's heart. Tonight we'll be celebrating Jill and Ray's birthday with Durangos! Yum! Desmond will get beans and rice (his all time favorite food!). 

The rest of the weekend will be full of family and fun! My little niece Lyla will be getting blessed tomorrow. My favorite thing in the world is being able to spend time with my family!

I Promise We're Still Here!

I've been blog slacking over here! I usually try to post something at least once a week, but I've missed 2 weeks now! Let me try to get up to speed here:

The weekend of October 7th we went up to my sister Jillian's for her oldest sons baptism. It was such a special weekend. We were able to celebrate Matthew turning 8 and support him in his baptism. His baptism was so sweet. One of the highlights for me was when Matthew was receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. After the blessing Matthew went around and hugged each and every person in the circle. He has one of the biggest, sweetest, most tender hearts I know. I think we were all in tears by the end of it, I know I was. I blame Jillian for this! We were all singing the closing song, "Families can be Together Forever" and Jillian grabbed my hand. I just started to ball!! I was filled with gratitude for my family and that I get to have them forever.
This particular weekend was full of tender mercies and miracles. I'll share just a couple more moments. The Saturday night of Matthews baptism we were all hanging out downstairs in Jill's basement and Desmond came up to me, out of no where, and did the sign for "food" ALL ON HIS OWN. I freaked out! I said, "Are you signing for food?! Are you hungry?!" and he did it again! I started freaking out even more! "Mom!! He's signing for "food" on his own!!", I yelled. I ran upstairs and grabbed a string cheese, went downstairs and gave Desmond some food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Marshall wasn't there, so I called him full of tears telling him the miracle I had just witnessed. This was the first time Desmond had signed something on his own without any help or prompting! It was amazing!
My last story of this weekend was when we were over at my Uncle Wades and Aunt Sue's. My cousin just got home from serving a LDS mission and it was his homecoming. We were all over at their home, hanging out when Desmond started to have a meltdown. I think it was an accumulation of being over stimulated, nap time, and being somewhere unfamiliar. We took him to one of their back rooms so he could have some alone time, but he seemed to be getting more and more wound up. I did what our Occupational Therapist had told me to do.  I started spinning Desmond around. I was making myself sick with how much spinning we were doing, but it worked. Desmond calmed down and we were able to get him in his car seat for the ride home. Even though we had calmed Des down, I was about to have my own meltdown. I could feel the tears coming to my eyes as we finally got him to calm down. I started to feel, "Why Heavenly Father? Why? Why does Desmond have Autism? He can't talk to me and tell me what's wrong. He won't let me hold him, hug him, or comfort him. The only thing that comforts him is spinning and it's making me SICK!" These were just a few of my thoughts as I was trying not to totally come apart in front of my whole extended family and a bunch of strangers. As I finished putting Desmond in his car seat I turn around to go back inside and there is my Uncle Wade. He must have seen the look on my face or something (I can't keep anything from my Uncle Wade!). He came straight over asking if everything was okay. I just started to cry! My Uncle Wade grabbed me in a huge hug and I immediately felt so much better. He was a giant answer to prayer for me that day. All the questions I had been pleading to Heavenly Father in that moment of stress were answered by my Uncle Wade. He told me that everything was going to be okay, that Desmond was sent to me and Marshall for a very specific reason. He told me I was a great mother and that he knew I was doing the best I could. In my moment of desperation, my Heavenly Father sent over my Uncle Wade. I am so grateful for my family, for the gospel, and that I get to be with these amazing people forever. I can't imagine having to go through all of this without my family.

Since that weekend we have had quite a few appointments for Desmond. Most recently he was evaluated for more speech therapy and it went well. The speech therapist said that there are a lot of things that Desmond isn't doing, but that there are a lot of things that he IS doing well. He explained that Desmond's ability to "show" us what he wants is a good sign. For example, if Desmond wants us to fill up his sippy cup, he'll hand it to us. Or if he wants something he'll take our hands and take us to where he wants us to go. He then went on to say that it's important that we teach Desmond the importance of using language to get what he wants or needs. As the session went on, a lot of what he did was trying to get Des to "show" him what he wanted through play. He had a race car set that he was trying to get Desmond to "show" him that he wanted the cars to "go".
We continue to work on Desmond signing for "more", "food", and now "go". Desmond does a good job signing for these things, but is now using the sign for "food" for everything he wants. If we say, "Des do you want more?" he'll do the sign for "food". Things like that. We're now trying to get him to understand that each sign means something different.

Last week we went to this new "all abilities" park with Marshall's family and it was AWESOME! This is us on the train that goes around the park. Des really seemed to like it!

This is something Des has been doing for a while now, but I wanted to put up. Ha! He consistently sleeps like this. Blanket over his face, no Desmond in sight. It's hilarious!

And now, we're up to date!