Zombie Apocalypse

We are all a bunch of Zombies over here on the moon. Desmond is teething his last molars (Dun, dun, duuuun). Because of this NONE of us are getting the sleep we need. Last night was the worst so far, which has officially turned us all into Zombies. We are crossing our fingers in hopes that tonight will be better!!

Our Little Zombie

Oh, if only he was sleeping like this through the night!!!

We have had a few neat experiences this week and there was one specifically that I wanted to share. We were up at my in-laws for Sunday dinner and it was getting towards the end of the night and Des really wanted to go home. He kept tugging at me, whining, taking me to the stairs, all of his little indicators that he wants to go home. We've really been trying to get him to verbally ask for what he wants, really any kind of babbling will do (since he doesn't speak any words). I was sitting on the couch and I kept telling him "Desmond, we can go home if you ask! Say bye, bye" I kept saying this over and over and over for a solid 15 minutes. I mean I would have taken any kind of verbal response; ma-ma, da-da, na-na, those are his typical noises. I kept at it though, trying to get him to say anything. Finally he came up to me, looked at me and whispered, "ba-ba". Whether it was an intentional effort to say "bye-bye" or not I said, "Good job Des! We can absolutely go bye-bye!!!"  I grabbed all of our stuff, told everyone we had to go now and that I'd explain later why we had to go so suddenly! It was really amazing! Like I said, whether it was a total flook or whether he was intentionally saying "bye-bye", whatever it was we'll take it for what it is! VICTORY!!

We have had some great therapy sessions this week too. Desmond seems to be doing more things on his own during ABA. His speech sessions seems to be more productive. Usually we sit in on Desmond's speech sessions, but the last 2 times we've sat outside and I think this has made all the difference. He seems to be able to focus better when we're not in there. Over all we are happy with how these past 2 weeks have been for our Desmond...minus the fact that he might be going from Zombie to full blown Vampire....Oh I hope he sleeps tonight!! We are definitely celebrating the little victories we see with our sweet boy. Progress is progress, and we will take it!

Back in the Saddle Again

Desmond is officially off his little "therapy break" and is back in the therapy saddle! We started back up on Monday with a bang! It was definitely a Manic Monday. Our Monday went like this:

9:00-12:00 ABA with Rachel

12:00-1:00 Lunch

1:00-3:00 Nap Time for Des and ME

4:00-6:00 OT and Speech Therapy

Needless to say, Monday was a long day for this Momma. Desmond did great though! He made it through the day with no meltdowns and no tears! That is a win in my book!

ABA:  ABA has been going well these past few days. Des has been doing good transitioning to 3 hours Monday-Wednesday. They split up his session into two parts; 9-10:30, take a little break, and then back at it until noon. We are still working on imitation. Imitation is the key to getting Des into our world. So they do a lot of Rachel showing Des how to do something and then his job is to imitate what he has been shown to do. This can be done with toys, with signing, with gesturing, really anything. Rachel told us today that Desmond still has a long way to go in this area. Of course we're seeing improvements, but in the area of imitation Desmond is still VERY behind. What I get from this is, we're doing exactly what we're supposed to be doing...it's just going to take time. As he gets going, doing more and more ABA (The end game is to get him able to do 3 hours Monday-Friday) we will see more progress. However, with the positive outcome is always that lurking "other outcome". When all is said and done....we have NO IDEA (yet) how severe his Autism is and where he will lie on the spectrum. I take heart in the fact that for now, we're doing all we can do and that is enough.

OT:  In the world of Occupational Therapy, Desmond rocks! OT is still a lot of getting Desmond to move in extreme ways. We are still doing a lot of swinging (that would make any normal human being vomit!), messy play, spinning, running around, going up and down stairs, all of it. Desmond LOVES OT!! I mean who wouldn't just love getting to play in a giant gym for a whole hour? I think Desmond loves OT so much because he gets to just play. Nothing is really required of him like in ABA and Speech, which requires a little work on his part.

SPEECH: Out of the 3 I feel we see Desmond struggle the most in speech. I think the reason for this is because speech is his biggest deficit with imitation closely behind. Desmond is still in the 6-9 month range for his language. In therapy our approach has changed a bit. Last year we focused a lot on teaching Desmond sign language and getting him to imitate/use those signs. We have seen miracles in this area. There are a handful of signs that we use to communicate with Des, but he continues to struggle with being the first to initiate those signs without being prompted first. We know he knows them, but he doesn't use them on his own. For this reason, we're making some changes to his therapy sessions. We'll still use and teach Desmond sign language, but we're switching our focus from sign language to verbal communication. This means that we're going to be doing a lot of what we do in ABA, but put that towards language. Let me explain better! In ABA (I think I've said this before) the basis of what they do is reward and reinforcement based. It's a horrible analogy, but it's much like training a pet. Using Desmond as an example in his session on Monday: Our therapist would give Desmond a treat (veggie straw) every time he used any kind of vocalization to show that he wanted a treat. Last year we would use treats (or reinforcers) if he signed for what he wanted. Now we're trying to get Des to understand that if he uses his voice (even if it's just a grunt, moan, cry, gibberish) that he get's what he wants. Just like when you're trying to get your dog to roll over, you give them a little treat when they do to reinforce the "good behavior". I know it's horrible to compare my child to training a dog. I know it is. However, his brain is wired much like an animals brain. So what do we do, we do what works and hope it continues to work.

Moral of the story for this week (at least from this Momma's perspective) we've got a long way to go. And I say this with all the hope I have in my heart. After talking to Rachel today I got a bit of a "reality check", which I think is good. Our Desmond is 2 years old. We have only just started this journey and we are in it for the LONG hall. For today I will celebrate the victories of today and hope for the victories to come. Just because we're behind today doesn't mean we're going to be behind forever. We will continue to move forward. Slowly, but surely, moving forward.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone! I have been in full blown break mode and have neglected my blog! I'll do my best to remember all the details of our amazing break! It was truly amazing for so many reasons.
Shortly after Desmond's birthday we all got the nasty cold that was going around. I started the sick train, then Desmond hopped on, then Marshall finished our sick train. We were all feeling better around Christmas time though! However we did ring in the New Year sick once again.
Christmas was really great! We spent the morning at our house opening up presents and then went to church with my family. The whole service was Christmas music, it was beautiful. My little sister and her husband were able to sing and it was one of the highlights of my Christmas. After sacrament meeting we went up to Marshall's parents house and spent some time there. We're so lucky to have both grown up in the same area. It makes holidays so great because we get to see everyone. Around dinner time we went back to my parents house for Christmas dinner. It was SO delicious!!
Christmas with Desmond this year I made a mental note to stay off of social media. It's just too hard when you see your friends children who are Desmond's age understanding and experiencing Christmas. It's so hard to explain. I am so happy that they are growing, developing, hitting milestones, it's never been a jealousy thing; I would never want them to not have their normal life. It's just hard when your life isn't that. My hope is that some day the ache will ease in this area for me. I also hope that there will be a day where we can participate in the "magic of Christmas" with Desmond.
I will say this though, when you're child doesn't understand Santa, elves, reindeer, the "magic" part of Christmas, it is a lot easier to focus on the true meaning of Christmas. Christ. I spent most of Christmas thinking about the Savior and His Atonement for me and especially Desmond. Most of my years on this Earth (when it comes to the Atonement), I've mainly focused on the "over coming sin" part of the Atonement. This past year the 2nd part of the Atonement has come to mean more and more to me. Not only did my Savior suffer in the Garden of Gethsemane for the sins of the world, died on the cross, but 3 days later He was resurrected and received His immortal body. As I focused on the birth of our Savior this holiday season, my thoughts constantly returned to this. In this life Desmond may not experience a "typical" mortal experience because of how his temporal brain is wired. However, because of Christ someday my boy will get his immortal body. 

Alma 40:23 "The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame."

This is what Christmas meant to me this year and what helped me "endure to the end" of 2016. I think I can speak for Marshall in this area; 2016 was so hard for us. The roller coaster ride of getting to Desmond being diagnosed and then that in turn changing our life forever was so hard. We were so happy to see 2016 go. We are so looking forward to 2017 and what it has to offer. We are well aware that things will stay hard. My life this year will consist of 17+ hours of therapy every week and being Desmond's support in that. I will be a wife, a mother, and I will do my best to help Desmond meet his milestones. I am confident that this year is going to be better because Christ was born and because He lives.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things in Christ which strengtheneth me."

Article of Faith 3 "We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel."

I have so much to hope for and so much to be faithful to because of these promises. If I keep the laws, commandments, and covenants I have made, I am promised that I can do all things. I am promised that my little family will be together forever. I am promised that my little Desmond will get his perfect body. This is the only way I'm able to step out of 2016 and into 2017 ready to take it on. 

The only way is Christ. Here we come 2017!

Happy Birthday Desmond!

We officially have a 2 year old!! I can't believe it! Where have the past 2 years gone? I knew that Desmond would most likely get fussy with all of our family at his little party (which he did) and that he probably wouldn't interact much (which he didn't), but it was nice to at least throw a little party for him and especially our families. They have been so loving and supportive this year. The least we could do is give them some pizza and a brownie!
Desmond's birthday was a little bitter sweet for me. I remember going to my nieces and nephews birthday parties. The 2nd birthday was always so fun because they KNEW it was their birthday! They could hold up their two fingers and show you how old they are, blow out their candles, open their presents, over all be excited for their special day. For Desmond it was just another day. He still isn't understanding much in the language department so we can't explain to him how special December 21st is to us. I kept thinking throughout the day, "Maybe next year." Maybe next year he'll hold up his three fingers to show us he's 3. Maybe next year he'll be able to blow out his candles by himself. Maybe next year he'll be able to open his own presents. Maybe next year we'll be able to tell him why December 21st is so special. Until then, I choose to stay hopeful.
One thing I've learned this year is that when things get hard, sometimes you have to choose to be hopeful, patient, and happy. Man, those things used to come so easy to me! To be fair, they still do for the most part. However, yesterday I definitely had to make the conscious choice to be hopeful. Hopeful for 2017 and the days to come. We have seen so many miracles this year with Desmond's progress and I am hopeful that there will be more to come. Our little Desmond amazes us every single day with the things he is able to do. There is so much good he is doing. He brings so much love into our home. He has the sweetest personality, he is so kind, and is always willing to "give us kisses".

This is a picture of us today. I was sitting on the ground and he came over and sat on my lap. He sat there cuddling with me for a solid 15 minutes. It's moments like that when I start to feel silly for all my worries and stress. I have the sweetest boy who is healthy, happy, and who loves me. That is what matters most; everything else will always be secondary. Always.  Today I feel hopeful. Hopeful for the future, hopeful for our Des, and hopeful that 2017 is going to be the best year yet!

Happy Birthday Desmond! We love you to the moon and back! 

Make It Go!!

We have some more amazing progress here on the moon! We have been working with Desmond on his sign language. He's got the signs for "food" "cup" and "more" pretty much down. We added "go" a few months ago and he FINALLY started signing for "go" on his own! Progress! Here is the video I caught of Des signing "go" the first time:

Because he's signing "go" on his own it means we can start adding in another sign! I think we're going to start pushing "all done". We also had some cards made that have pictures of all the things he does throughout the day; food, drinks, activities, things like that. What they want us to do is to put 2 cards up close to where he can touch one and get him to choose which one he wants. For example, we have a picture of Sesame Street and a picture of his swing. I'll show him the pictures and ask him which one he wants. He's grabbed at the one he wants every time so far! We are still very hopeful that with all of these communication tools combined that our little Des will HOPEFULLY start talking!!

Therapy Update

I just finished up the Thanksgiving post and realized that I hadn't given an update on how all of Desmond's therapy is going! I think the best way to describe how busy our November was is to show you my calendar on my phone.

This is my busy, busy, BUSY life!! Desmond still has ABA with Rachel twice a week, and we've added an hour with Greg (Speech Therapist) and an hour with James (Occupational/Sensory Therapist) once a week. We have seen huge strides since Desmond has started seeing James and Greg back to back once a week. Desmond seems to be signing more for what he wants, his eye contact is better (still not great, but better), and he seems to have more facial expressions too.
What James does with Desmond at each session is getting Des to do a TON of movement. A lot of this is on the swings they have there. Here is a video of what that looks like:

I'm sure you're thinking, "Stop! He's going to make him sick!!" Shockingly, because Desmond's sensory system is low registration he doesn't feel movement like the rest of us do. If anyone of us were to do the same thing we'd feel sick, dizzy, nauseous, but Desmond doesn't feel this. Movement like this is crucial for Desmond's sensory system to "wake up". He is still "in his own little world/head" most of the time. This kind of movement charges his sensory system and get's him out of his world and into ours. I know it sounds crazy, but science proves that this method is legit.
As for his sessions with Greg, we do much of the same thing but incorporate language. This video is of Greg, Marshall, and Desmond doing the same kind of spinning motion, but adding in "more". What they're doing is spinning Des, stopping him, and then getting Des to initiate that he wants to be spun again by signing "more".

We are excited to see what the future holds for Desmond now that he's getting speech and occupational therapy once a week. 

I've said this over and over, but once Desmond turns 2 (in 3 weeks) we will start having Rachel over Monday-Friday for 2 hours for ABA! We are SO excited for this to start! For me it means we are doing EVERYTHING we possibly can for our Desmond. ABA everyday and speech/occupational therapy once a week was what we were strongly encouraged to do when Desmond was diagnosed back in August. Soon enough we will be doing everything in our power to give Desmond the best possible chance to blossom and grow! We have much to look forward to in 2017! I don't let myself future trip often, but I have thought about what 2017 might look like for our little Desmond. How will his signing improve? Do I dare get my hopes up and hope that he might be talking? Will he be able to interact like his cousins do? Oh do I dare hope?!?!?! I have learned through this process that it is crucial that we have hope, but in turn our hope must be logical/reasonable. Again, reason tells us that most likely Desmond won't start talking (if at all) until he's closer to 4-5 years old. Reason tells us that Desmond's progresses will be in little baby steps. Reason tells us that he might never interact like his cousins do.

By small and simple things.

I constantly find myself repeating this phrase. These small and simple things we're doing will add up to something great. Do we know what that great thing will be? No. I mean it would be AMAZING if Desmond in the end started talking. However, I understand that it would be GREAT if we could get him to communicate through sign language or even through pictures on a tablet. Progress is progress, even if in the end it's not what this mother hopes for.

As for now, I am happy and I am content. There is so much good happening for our Desmond in his therapies and in our life. I will say this, "Marshall was right." He knew that we would love this new life, and I can finally say that I am starting to enjoy it. I don't think I quite LOVE all the appointments, that I have to keep my house clean for therapy sessions, and that I still feel so distant from my child sometimes; but I do LOVE those moments when my boy sits next to me on his own accord, when he makes eye contact with me for just a second or two, when he hugs Danny, or when he does his little signs. I truly do LOVE all of that. Most of all, I LOVE my boy. I love my Desmond more than I could every try to articulate, and this, THIS is what keeps me going, keeps me hoping, keeps me afloat here on the moon.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my all-time favorite holiday. I have such cherished memories of Thanksgiving. We would travel the 8-10 hours (it all depended on how many times we had to stop so Malory could go to the bathroom 😉) to Rose, Idaho to my Grandma & Grandpa Taylor's. You walk in and it smells like home. I'd run in yelling, "We're here! We're here! Grandma we're here!" I'd run for my grandma's arms and be so happy to be in them! It was always so fun to play with my cousins, make our forts in the living room, make-up plays, play mofia, and laugh.
 My grandma makes THE BEST Thanksgiving dinner. I am not exaggerating one bit! My favorite part of the dinner has always been mashed potatoes. I LOVE mashed potatoes! Some of my fondest childhood memories were with my family at grandma's during Thanksgiving. This past weekend I've had some time to reflect on all of these memories and I found myself feeling very grateful.
I have truly felt the spirit of Thanksgiving this year. I have so much to be grateful for! I am first grateful for family. I am so lucky to have SUCH an amazing family. I am also so grateful for Marshall's family. Both sides of our families have been so supportive, loving, and have been such a source of strength for us this year. They have loved us and our sweet Desmond unconditionally. I am so grateful for my Marshall for his love and support. I am grateful for my Desmond. He is the sweetest, kindest, even tempered boy. I am forever grateful that I get to be his mother.
This year we were with the Cox's and it was a blast! I made my grandma's famous yams and my first time making a pie! The meal was AMAZING! I once again ate a LOT of mashed potatoes and was VERY full. Later we played Bingo which was so fun too. There really is nothing like spending time with family and loved ones. Desmond seemed to have a good time! He mostly trotted around, laughed, and seemed to be comfortable! Desmond used to get pretty anxious when we would all gather as a family, but now he seems so comfortable. I credit this to all the therapy, especially ABA. We have noticed such a difference in Desmond and his confidence since starting ABA. He seems to have more facial expressions, laughing, smiling, eye contact, he over all just seems happier! We saw a lot of this this weekend.
Now it's officially Christmas Time!!! I can't wait! However, this means that I will soon have a 2 YEAR OLD! Come the end of December our little Dessy will be 2!! I can't believe it!

Some pictures of our Thanksgiving Weekend

My first attempt at making an apple pie! Let's just say the second one turned out just right 😉

Desmond in his favorite spot at Grandma Cox's.

 Me and Jenna were in charge of doing the centerpieces for the tables this year. They turned out pretty good!

 Me and my main Man!

 I made my Grandma Taylor's famous yams this year for the Cox's. They were DELICIOUS!

 My plate this year! Yes, I ate every bite!

 I caught a really precious moment with Desmond and Danny. Desmond NEVER does this. He never puts his head on your shoulder, let alone a HUG TOO! Danny got the first ever occurrence over the weekend. It was so sweet.

 So Desmond is on the right and his cousin Kellen is on the left. Desmond will be 2 in December and Kellen just turned 5. They are like the same size in this picture! Ha! Our Des is a tank!

And here they are from the front. Adorable!