JUNE
There is one exciting thing that has happened in my personal life! I went back to school! I met with a counselor at Dixie State College and talked about how much school I have left to graduate with my degree in Communications. He let me know that I'm really close to graduating!! Me and Marshall set up a plan that I'll take my classes slower since I'm a full time Mom to two beautiful boys. I was going to try to push myself to graduate by May 2018, but I would have had to take 18 credits per semester! So we decided to push back my graduation a year. If all goes according to plan I'll graduate May 2019!
I took 2 summer classes in the summer and loved them! Not to be too braggy, but I got A's in both my classes! They kept me pretty busy, but I loved all the things I learned and continue to learn. The classes I took in June and the classes I'm taking right now are all online. I can submit assignments online, do homework, and be a mom all at the same time. It's great! I really liked how my classes kept me busy because it kept my mind off of how HOT and LARGE I was being pregnant during the summer.
JULY
I honestly don't remember much of what happened in July. I had school, Desmond continued to have therapy, Marshall work. The biggest event that happened at the end of July was our Calvin deciding to come to the world 3 weeks early!! This is a great story. The morning of July 27th I thought I was leaking fluid, so we called my mom and she came over to be here with Des while he finished ABA for that day. We went to labor and delivery and they checked me and I was at a 4+! The nurse said, "Man you must be in a ton of pain being at a 4+!?" Ha I was like, "Uhh....no. I haven't felt a thing!" And that was the truth. The day before I had my check with my doctor and I as barely at a 3, but now I was measuring at a 4+. They decided to send me home because I wasn't leaking fluid, but told me if I was feeling anything, even mild cramps, I should start timing them. They were worried I'd go into active labor and not even know it. Sure enough, later that afternoon, I started feeling very small cramps. I figured I probably better start timing them. The very first time I started timing these little cramps they came every 7 minutes. By the time it was 8:00 pm they were coming every 5 minutes, but I still wasn't in any kind of pain. I was still thinking, "Am I having a contraction? I mean it doesn't hurt at all!" We decided since these little cramps were consistent, I should probably go back to L&D and see if I've dilated anymore. I get there and they check me, yep I'm at a 5+ now! Even though Calvin was 3 weeks early they decided to let me stay! Everything went so smoothly! It was like a dream! They gave me my epidural, which didn't hurt at all, broke my water, then 4 hours later I was ready to push. Everyone came in and with just 2 pushes our Calvin was here! Calvin Marshall Cox was born at 4:12am on July 28th, 6lbs 15oz. I was laying there so happy to have it all over with and the next thing I hear is my mom saying, "Oh, Tay! He has your dimples!!" Yes, my sweet Calvin has the CUTEST dimples!! It was such a wonderful day and I was SO happy to not be pregnant anymore. It was just getting too hot!!
AUGUST
From what I can remember of the first bit of August was that it was really great! Marshall was able to get 4 weeks off of work. He was home helping me with the boys the entire month of August. It was so magical! Don't get me wrong, we've all had to adjust to our new addition, especially Desmond. For the most part Desmond just ignores Calvin. The only time he looks at him or seems to notice that he's there is when Calvin is screaming or upset. We did see more Autism Meltdowns in the month of August than we had in a really long time. When Desmond has a meltdown it usually is him crying a lot and becoming more and more upset. Sometimes he gets so upset that we have to put him in his swing to calm him down. I think the biggest adjustment for Des was that for the first time in his life he has to share his attention. He'd get especially upset if I was feeding Cal and he needed something. However I will say this, we had planned on Desmond's response to Calvin to be a lot worse. We were worried he'd lash out and hit him or something like that. He has not once hit Calvin. He for the most part just ignores him. As the month went on I think Desmond finally came to terms that Calvin is going to be here forever.
The whole month of August for me was rough recovering. Postpartum is not for the faint of heart. As the month went on I seemed to feel worse and worse. I was healing great, but my body just wasn't feeling well. I honestly thought I might be getting some postpartum depression or anxiety because of how crappy I was feeling. At the end of August it all came to a head when I ended up in the ER because of some abdominal pain. I thought for sure they were going to send me home and tell me that what I was feeling was anxiety or postpartum depression; like my mind had made up the stomach pain or something. (I mean when you're postpartum and your body is healing and feeling so much you assume it's all in your head...am I right?!) I was not expecting the doctor to come in and tell me that all the crappy feelings I had been feeling all month was because of my GALLBLADDER. The ultrasound that they did showed major gallstones in my gallbladder. The doctor said that I needed to have my gallbladder taken out or I'd continue to feel so crappy and like a crazy person. A part of me was relieved that it was my gallbladder and not something I had made up in my head. I was also feeling so frustrated. I wanted nothing more than for my body to heal, get back to normal. I needed to be a mom, I needed to be able to take care of my kids, especially Desmond. Desmond requires so much of me physically, emotionally, and mentally. I just couldn't believe that only 5 weeks postpartum I had to have surgery; go back to square one and re-recover. I will say this, I am so blessed to have people in my life to take care of me and to take care of my family. My little sister's father-in-law is a general surgeon. Normally I would have had to wait a whole month to be seen and then schedule the surgery out from there. I was able to talk to my sisters father-in-law and he got me in and the gallbladder removed within 2 weeks of my ER visit. With all of this craziness going on Marshall started his last semester of Nursing School and I also started my fall semester of classes.
SEPTEMBER
On September 8th I had my gallbladder surgery. It went great. Of course coming out of the anesthesia was rough for me. I don't do well coming out of anesthesia. It was same day surgery so by noon I was back home and recovering on the couch. The first 3 days were rough. I felt so useless and sore. I couldn't do much but lay on the couch. I have such an amazing family. The Sunday after my surgery my mom and sister Malory came over and took care of me and my kids. They cleaned my house, did my laundry, and took such great care of me and the boys. What would I do without the support of my family? I think I'd be in the loony-bin if it wasn't for them! By the next week I was feeling almost as good as new! It's amazing to me how something as small as a gallbladder can make one feel so crappy! Looking back on the whole experience, I am so grateful to have that little sucker out of me. My body is still adjusting to not having a gallbladder, but for the most part I am back to normal.
DESMOND UPDATE
There is our family update! That's what's been going on with me and our family for the past 3 months. However, I didn't get to update what's been going on with our Desmond. The biggest thing that has been going on is that Desmond is using words! He's talking...ish!! He has a handful of words that he uses on top of his babbling and will mimic for the most part anything we ask him to say. Some of the words he consistently says are more, drink, eat, door, and chair. He does have more words he can say, but we have to prompt him to say them. If we say, "Desmond say...." he'll for the most part try his best to say anything. Some of the words he's the best at are cheese, bye-bye, open, and Tal (That how he says Cal for Calvin). We are very hopeful that his little vocabulary will become bigger and bigger. We hope that eventually he'll start talking in sentences and be totally verbal. It's very exciting! He is also learning his alphabet, numbers, and colors in ABA. We are seeing him do really well with imitation. He is copying us verbally and physically. If we wave at him, he will wave back. If we ask for a high five, he'll give us a high five, he does the same think with knuckles! We have seen so much improvement these past 3 months in him. It truly is a miracle.
Does that mean things have been easy. Absolutely not. There are still days where Desmond is very autistic and days where he seems more "with us". There are days where we can't go outside because he gets so upset. There are days where if I take him to my mom's he will totally fall apart because he associates her house with swimming. Summer is over and he doesn't get to swim anymore. He get's so mad every time we go over to my moms because he wants to swim. It's exhausting. Every time we go over there I have to take him upstairs to calm him down because he freaks out so much. It breaks my heart that he gets so upset there. There are still some days where I grieve the loss of the life we wanted for our Desmond. I still find myself crying some nights because it can be so hard and overwhelming. There is still the giant elephant in the room of our life that we deal with everyday, "Is Calvin autistic?" I worry about this too much. I spend too much time reading about infant milestones and worrying that he's behind. He's only 9 weeks old and I'm already worrying his eye contact isn't where it needs to be. Again, it's exhausting and can be so emotionally draining.
I always go back to this, "God is in control". All of these things that I worry about, lose sleep over, cry about, I have no control in any of it. All I know is that this is the life I've been given. God has a plan for me, Marshall, Desmond and Calvin. This life was prepared for me. Even if every single plan I had for my own life doesn't happen, that's okay. I have to trust that God's plan is better. I have to trust that he wants me to be happy and wants my life to be filled with joy. I was scanning through Facebook today and this quote from President Eyring popped up and my news feed. It was a huge answer to prayer, especially with how down I've been feeling lately:
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